The List

It's been an interesting few weeks in Jay land. Unfortunately I need to wait for him to break up with his current girlfriend before I can tell you about any of the current drama. This may take a few days / weeks / months it's hard to tell, but man will it be worth the wait. In the mean time I give you the long promised List:

I've talked before about Jay's inability to get things done. About four years ago I wanted to play "Sam & Max" (a great game by the way). Now, Jay is friends with one of the "Sam & Max" developers and he promised to get me a copy. A full year later I still didn't have a copy. 52 weeks of "Sorry man, I forgot. I'll see him next week", and "Man I'm going to see that guy tomorrow I'll get it then don't worry". So a year later I give him a call:

"Don't worry about it Jay, I'll just get a copy off e-bay"
"No, listen I'm really going to get it. It's on the list. Really."
"List? What list? The list of shit you're not going to do?"

Not long after that incident Jay and Tara broke up. I was talking to him shortly thereafter about how crazy Tara was and I was privy to this gem:
"Jay, really I'm amazed that you guys lasted this long. She was controlling and obsessively task oriented. Your inability to get things done must have driven her crazy."
"Yeah, it really did. Did I tell you about the time she tried to bribe me with sex?"
"What!?"
"A few months ago we stopped having sex because she decided premarital sex was a sin. After a couple of weeks I'm dying for sex, and I literally resort to begging. Now get this, she agrees to have sex with me if I finish a list of chores."
"You've got to be kidding me!"
"No, she literally gave me a list of chores and told me 'Jay I'll straight up have sex with you if you get this done.'"
"Dude, what was on this list?"
"Simple stuff: I needed to get an oil change and pay some bills. Stuff like that. It was all stuff that I needed to do anyway."
"Did you do it?"
"No. I never did. I started some of them, but I never did them all."
"Why not?"
"I don't know. But seriously, it was a list of things a normal person could get done in a productive afternoon."

Paperus

Many of the stories Jay and I joke about intertwined. So, in order to tell you one of my favorite Jay stories, "The List", I need to tell a few background stories including "Paperus". About three years ago Jay was dating a girl named Tara. Now, let me just say up front that I really didn't like her. She was immature, controlling, and she had a compulsive need to be right. She could never loose an argument or admit that she was wrong and she would frequently interrupt and correct people in the middle of a conversation. She was also constantly on the go and couldn't tolerate down time, or just hanging out.

Jay and Tara flew in to visit and we took them to a local museum. We walk around for a few hours and then take a break in the museum cafeteria. Now, Jay, my wife, and I were exhausted and just happy to be sitting down and chatting. Tara ignores the conversation and pulls out an address book and a pen and paper and starts writing a letter to a pen pal. I have no idea why a 27 year old woman has a pen pal, but ignore that for a minute. Tara finishes her two page letter and then busts out an envelope and stamps. Yes, not content to just carry letter writing supplies she walks around with a post office in her purse in case her day has a spare five minutes.

Later that day we spent some time in a local mall that had a Papyrus store, it's a chain that sells paper products. Now, for those not familiar with the word Papyrus think of it as an old form of paper. The word is pronounced [puh-pahy-ruhs]. I was standing with Jay in a bookstore when Tara walked up with a bag:

"Hey, what do you have there Tara?" - Jay
"I just bought something from Paperus." Tara pronouncing it "Paper Us"
"Uhhh, Tara I think it's pronounced Papyrus"
Now imagine the most condescending tone possible:
"Sigh, no Jay; no. It's Paperus, because they sell paper. Paperus"
"... OK Tara"