Monday, February 19, 2007

Ocular Herpes

For the last few years Jay has had strong fears about getting sick / infected. Usually he's afraid of HIV / AIDS (or as he calls it "the hiv"), but he's also afraid of most other STD's. It's not that Jay is really at risk for anything. He practices safe sex (or so I'm told), doesn't do drugs, and has only had a handful of partners. It's just that Jay is convinced he can catch serious STD's through casual contact. I can't tell you the number of times I've gotten a call along these lines of:

"Dude, it's over. I was at a bar and this guy next to me kept coughing, and he kind of bumped into me a couple of times. I've got the hiv man, I'm done."

That said, imagine how freaked out Jay was when he started dating a girl named Clair who had herpes. Despite sleeping with her only a few times, and always with protection he soon became certain that he had genital herpes even though he had no symptoms. He also soon became convinced that he had spread the herpes to his eyes and that he now had ocular herpes.

Certain that he was going to go blind Jay heads to the doctor:
"Son, you seem fine. Have you used saliva to clean your contacts?"
"No." - Jay
"Have you been washing your hands regularly?"
"Then why do you think you could have caught ocular herpes?"
"Well, what if I accidently touched my penis then touched my eyes?"
"Son, if you're touching your penis then touching your eyes you have bigger problems than ocular herpes."

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