Friday, April 27, 2007

The Big House

Since Jay has been dating Jessica for ~5 months I haven't heard of any AIDS scares. Instead he seems to have developed a new concern: going to jail.

"I downloaded Children of Men off bittorrent ..." - Jay
"And ..."
"You don't think I could get in trouble for that do you?"
"Not likely. The odds are really low so don't worry about it."
"Even if they did catch me what do you think is the worst that could happen?"
"Uhhh... I think the hand full of people from the RIAA lawsuits are getting fines around $5,000. But getting busted is so incredibly unlikely you shouldn't worry about it."
"So there's no way I could go to jail for this right?"
"Jail?! No, that's not really a possibility."
"O.K. Good ..... So, you're saying it's impossible for me to go to jail over this?"
"Dude, no you're not going to jail."
"Cool. .... You're really sure it's impossible then?"

Thursday, April 26, 2007

The List

It's been an interesting few weeks in Jay land. Unfortunately I need to wait for him to break up with his current girlfriend before I can tell you about any of the current drama. This may take a few days / weeks / months it's hard to tell, but man will it be worth the wait. In the mean time I give you the long promised List:

I've talked before about Jay's inability to get things done. About four years ago I wanted to play "Sam & Max" (a great game by the way). Now, Jay is friends with one of the "Sam & Max" developers and he promised to get me a copy. A full year later I still didn't have a copy. 52 weeks of "Sorry man, I forgot. I'll see him next week", and "Man I'm going to see that guy tomorrow I'll get it then don't worry". So a year later I give him a call:

"Don't worry about it Jay, I'll just get a copy off e-bay"
"No, listen I'm really going to get it. It's on the list. Really."
"List? What list? The list of shit you're not going to do?"

Not long after that incident Jay and Tara broke up. I was talking to him shortly thereafter about how crazy Tara was and I was privy to this gem:
"Jay, really I'm amazed that you guys lasted this long. She was controlling and obsessively task oriented. Your inability to get things done must have driven her crazy."
"Yeah, it really did. Did I tell you about the time she tried to bribe me with sex?"
"A few months ago we stopped having sex because she decided premarital sex was a sin. After a couple of weeks I'm dying for sex, and I literally resort to begging. Now get this, she agrees to have sex with me if I finish a list of chores."
"You've got to be kidding me!"
"No, she literally gave me a list of chores and told me 'Jay I'll straight up have sex with you if you get this done.'"
"Dude, what was on this list?"
"Simple stuff: I needed to get an oil change and pay some bills. Stuff like that. It was all stuff that I needed to do anyway."
"Did you do it?"
"No. I never did. I started some of them, but I never did them all."
"Why not?"
"I don't know. But seriously, it was a list of things a normal person could get done in a productive afternoon."